Cultivating Gratitude

Emily Gaines Demsky, a Baltimore lay leader and Na’aleh Board member believes in the power of 3 good things – simple, basic good things that she notices in the world around her, things like the blue sky and the soft fur on her dog’s belly. Emily believes in noticing, naming, and sharing these good things, and she encourages folks to share their own good things as well.

This story begins in the summer of 2015, while my kids were at overnight camp in Massachusetts. It was a Friday afternoon when I got a call from the camp director that began with the (dreaded) words, “Everything is fine but…” 

Lucy had fallen on the soccer field, she had a massive spiral fracture of her left tibia and they were taking her to the OR to reset her leg. The date was July 17, three months to the day before Lucy’s bat mitzvah. 

It was a challenging time. My daughter was in a cast from the top of her thigh to the tip of her toe and getting around with a combination of crutches and a wheelchair. 

And then my grandmother died. 

We were marching toward this milestone occasion, our youngest child’s bat mitzvah, and I was feeling anything but celebratory. 

I said to a dear friend, “I am so tired. And I am so sad. And I am so tired of feeling so tired and sad. This moment in time is not how I thought it would be, and I do not know how to celebrate under these circumstances.” 

And my friend reminded me that when we have opportunities to celebrate, we are obligated to celebrate. That this is how we balance the scales of sorrow and joy in our lives and in the world. I became determined to turn at least some of my attention toward joy.

That’s when my practice began, and I’ve been practicing daily ever since. Each night before bed I send myself an email with a list of 3 (sometimes more) good things, and I trade nightly emails with a few dear friends. These emails changed my outlook, my perspective, the lens through which I see the world. The emails are a reminder of what’s important.

I also write a Substack, “Tell Me 3 Good Things,” where I share good things, talk about the practice – what it is, why we do it, and how – and invite others to share good things of their own. Sometimes, summoning a feeling of gratitude can feel out of reach; Tell Me 3 Good Things is different in that it doesn’t ask us to feel something. This practice simply asks us to notice what’s good. If you look around right now I’m guessing you might notice a few things: the air moving in and out of your lungs, the roof over your head, your eyes that enable you to read these words. It’s that simple. And it’s a powerful practice. If you’re interested in starting a practice of your own, I invite you to join me at Tell Me 3 Good Things, or send me an email at emilygainesdemsky@mac.com and I’d be honored to help you get started

Emily Gaines Demsky is an artist whose work focuses on perspective, gratitude, light and wonder. She is the creator of f/LIGHT DECK, a tangible tool designed to help curious people shift their perspective and in doing so, shift their lives. She has served in a variety of volunteer roles in the Baltimore community, and currently sits on The Baltimore County Commission on Arts and Sciences. Emily is also the immediate past Chair of the DFI Advisory Council. Emily has a professional background in arts administration, strategic planning, development, and nonprofit management and is a member of the Na’aleh Board of Directors.

Insights & Resources

View All Insights & Resources
More Resources

Nurturing the next generation of Jewish leaders

Read Insight
More Resources

Building Connection and Resilience: Na’aleh’s First Co-Working Day

Read Insight
More Resources

This Hanukkah, Choose Light Over Heat

Read Insight