Accepting the Burdens of Patience
Naami Schorr
Program Director at Na’aleh: The Hub for Leadership Learning
Growing up, I considered myself a pretty patient person. Then I became an adult, got married, had kids, and lived through a pandemic. I would definitely not consider myself a very patient person anymore.
Now more than ever, I understand the saying, patience is a virtue.
We enter into this world as infants wired to be impatient, demanding that our every need be met immediately. Patience does not come naturally to us and it is something we all struggle with daily.
Maybe you easily get impatient with your husband or kids who don’t clean up the way you’d like? A board member who is always late? Waiting in a long line, driving behind a slow driver, or dealing with employees who don’t perform up to your standard or expectation? Are you having a hard time waiting for your vaccine or for the pandemic to be over?
So, what is patience?
I have heard one definition of patience as the ability to tolerate the pain or discomfort of someone or something going against my will.
The Hebrew word for patience is savlanut, which also means “tolerance.” The same root gives rise to words that means “suffer” (sevel) and “burdens” (sivlot). Having patience is not necessarily a pleasant experience. We should expect acquiring patience to be hard work, as it may mean enduring and tolerating, and even bearing a burden.
Leaders come to mind immediately when I think of individuals who must work on becoming more patient. A leader must learn to tolerate and accept the burden of many people and situations.
How does one acquire more patience?
- Accept others’ faults and flaws.
Everyone has their faults and flaws. It is not about the other person or situation changing, getting better, or improving. True patience is having the ability to tolerate and accept difficult behaviors or frustrating situations. To become a patient person, we must learn how to bear the burden of people or situations by coming to a place of real acceptance of others.
- We are not in control.
At the root of impatience is also the mistaken belief that we are the masters of our fates. When you think about it, we actually control very little in our lives. Of course, we are not totally powerless, but it is important to identify what is actually within our power and what is not. The Mussar teachers encourage us to think about this as it helps us avoid impatience and getting all worked up when things don’t go the way we would like.
- Become aware of situations where you feel constantly impatient.
Pick one recurring situation that you would like to work on:
- Visualize the way you would ideally like to handle this situation.
- Accept the flaw or poor behavior of the person.
- Respond in a calm and kind way.
- Practice! This will take time-maybe even a lifetime, but we are looking for improvement not perfection.
- Don’t give up!
Our Rabbis teach us that we will be asked at the time of final judgment, “Did you crown your friend upon you with a calm spirit?” Meaning, did we carry the burden of others with patience and kindness? Let’s work on it now, so we can answer yes!
